Category: Challenging yourself

A Do-Over

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Words by Rhea
Image by me (Fiona)

Have you ever wanted a do-over?

Rhea took advantage of a second shot at University to do just that!

Please see below Rhea’s answers to my questions about her experience.

Tell me about a time you stepped out of your comfort zone?

In 2015 I re-entered University to get a second shot at my first year. A series of crises in the previous year forced me to take an unexpected hiatus, but since most people don’t get do-overs and second chances, I decided to use it as an opportunity to better myself and grow out of this shy persona I had cultivated for myself. I privately made a resolution to myself that I was going to initiate a conversation with at least 5 people and try to exchange phone numbers. 

Why did you do it?

Back in high-school, I found myself getting increasingly shyer and it was beginning to cripple me. It slowly began to erode my self-confidence and affected how I presented myself. I walked hunched over with my head down, arms crossed over my chest and with my voice thin to a permanent whisper. I wanted to take the first steps to improve myself, and since University was a fresh start, I thought that was the perfect opportunity. I realize now that this manner of presenting myself was just a reflection of the inner turmoil I was experiencing.

What was the outcome?

It was not only a big step for me that made me feel accomplished, but it got easier each time. It was through that experience that I met my longstanding best friend through Uni, Beth. Of course, much of the relationships I initially began fizzled out naturally. But since I was able to initiate far more than the 5 that I set out to do, I was able to meet so many people and begin many new friendships.

How did you feel before, during and after?

Before taking the very first step, I was obviously afraid. The thought of being soundly rejected repeated itself in my head and initially made my anxiety much worse. But I pushed through anyways. I started small, practicing putting myself at ease in conversation, not answering with one-word answers and asking follow-ups that would continue conversation. Most importantly, when a conversation was cut off short and those feelings of rejection began creeping up, I reminded myself not to take it personally and just continue accomplishing my goal. It got easier to do as time went on because whenever anxiety started rearing its ugly head, I simply reminded myself of all the times I was successful, and that voice of doubt was immediately disproven. After all was said and done, I felt immensely proud of myself. I was proud of the fact that I was able to see something in myself and—rather than beat myself up for it— work to improve it.  

Would you step out of your comfort zone again? Why? (Or why not?)

I would absolutely do it again. I still consider myself quite shy, even though a lot of people think of me as confident. I’ve found the feedback I’ve gotten quite reaffirming as well. My ultimate goal in life is to be absolutely fearless and try most things that scare me, and there’s no way to accomplish that without stepping out of my comfort zone every now and then. I even managed to take the stage to sing for some open mic nights during University. That isn’t something I’d come close to doing had I not taken that initial small step.

What did you learn from being out of your comfort zone?

The experience taught me that many of my fears were overblown. Even if I did experience the “downsides” like rejection, it wasn’t as bad as my imagination made it seem and I’d feel much worse never having tried. Not trying felt like giving up on myself and reaffirmed that negative perception I had of myself. Stepping out of my comfort zone was my way of telling myself that I fundamentally don’t believe my negative qualities exist and that I know I’m fully capable of trying at the very least. 

What advice would you give to someone considering stepping out of their comfort zone?

Break up a big goal into small steps. If your resolution is to do a standup routine on open mic night, think of all the smaller skills that entails: being able to speak in crowds, being able to deliver your thoughts confidently, thinking on your feet, not taking bombing personally. Building up these smaller skills will make accomplishing the next thing you set out to do much easier, and it culminates in the ability to conquer larger tasks that used to faze you.

Rhea Henry now works as a copy writer for sites like Rank-It.ca and hopes to someday publish her own work.

The breath of fresh air

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Image by me (Fiona)
Words by me based on an interview with Valerie

Valerie finds that outside of her comfort zone is where you feel the wonder of new beginnings.

In early 2020 Valerie was at the pinnacle of her career in marketing and advertising – the chief marketing officer. This was a role achieved as part of 20 years in the industry, and something Valerie was very comfortable doing.

Then the pandemic hit and Valerie lost her job.

Shortly after that a friend contacted her “do you know a speaker or anybody who can help us understand Facebook, understand the digital space, understand this new world because we all were forced to go virtual?”

Valerie initially recommended a few people. But they were outside her friend’s budget.

So she volunteered her own services!

While this sort of training was new to Valerie, she had the mindset, the experience and her NLP training to call on.

Not that she didn’t have second thoughts. With 300 people to train she initially was not sure what she was going to say to them!

Valerie thinks her friend was actually hoping she would offer.

Fast forward a year and Valerie has trained over 3500 people from all over the world!

This was not the first or last time Valerie stepped outside her comfort zone – she was the first of her friends to work overseas, and she chose Cambodia instead of the more popular Singapore to do that. That was a year well out of her comfort zone with no knowledge of the language, and a very different lifestyle that included not even owning a mirror!

She also dated online well before it was commonplace. She married her partner in a private ceremony “we just we just exchanged vows and I gave our family and friends messages and poems to share with us and that was it. Of course I’m biased but it connected us to our family and it connected us to our friends.”

Valerie has advice for others thinking about stepping out of their comfort zone “Mel Robbins has this NLP technique when you count 54321. When you count backwards your brain shifts from being emotional (being afraid, feeling like you can’t do this) to the executive function, your cognitive brain. This makes you more logical.

“So 54321 you count and then you hit the button! You just start with your commit – you share with the world, you share on your facebook so that you’re on the hook and you just do it.”

Wonderful advice Valerie!

Valerie Fischer helps online business owners increase revenue growth with Brain Science Selling. You can find out more about her at her Facebook page or website www.valeriefischer.net.

Cowgirl or Lumberjack?

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There is a fine line between cowgirl and lumberjack.

When I get an invitation to a party I get slightly anxious. I am not a huge fan of crowds of people. But I get over it pretty quickly. Mainly as parties at my age tend to be milestones you don’t want to miss!

But sometimes the invitation arrives with a theme… and we are asked to dress to match it.

That is when my heart sinks.

As a plus sized woman with slight social anxiety I want to either fit in or look so amazing I have the confidence to stand out.

As a plus sized woman at a themed party that becomes almost impossible.

I learned early in life that you can’t go half way if you are dressing up, if you do that you don’t fit in or look good.

So, I start picturing outfits. And my friends excitedly send me their outfits (if my friends are reading this please don’t ever stop doing that, I love seeing what you are wearing).

And I get a picture in my head of what I might wear.

Then I try to match what I can buy to that picture.

In todays case the theme was country and western. In my head I had cute cowgirl. Denim skirt, paisley blouse, boots, and a hat. Or maybe a dress with the boots and hat?

I have a hat and boots already – tick!

In my local shopping centre there are only a few shops that stock size 18-20, so I decided to see what I could find at lunchtime.

I quickly ruled out the denim skirt idea, soon followed by the dress.

But that was ok, I look good in jeans and it should be easy to find a suitable top. Right?

No luck with the paisley. But look – a cute pink checked shirt over there! Oh, it only goes up to size 14.

Next shop.

A pink checked shirt in my size! But it was heavy flannel. And I am going through menopause. Sweaty cowgirl was not the look.

Next shop.

A black and white checked flannel shirt (lightweight). Tick

My jeans. Tick

My hat. Tick

Boots. Tick

I now have an outfit to wear that fits the brief.

But looking in the mirror there seems to be a fine line between cowgirl and lumberjack.

Maybe I will keep shopping.

Putting Yourself First

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Image by me (Fiona)
Story by me, based on an interview with Niki

Niki’s story had a real impact on me. It gave me a perspective I had not considered. And it changed my behaviour.

Niki’s story starts with her getting a beautiful new puppy recently. A German Shepherd called Lexi.

When Niki began socialising Lexi at a local park, she discovered many people were comfortable having their dogs off the lead, despite it not being a leash free area. But Niki was not.

When her daughter was about 7, she suffered a serious dog bite that required emergency surgery.  “And it was so intense that by the time I carried her from the car to emergency, they didn’t know if I needed help or she did because of the amount of blood loss. ‘Cause anything in the face is big, you know, and we didn’t realize at this stage that it had ripped her ear in half as well.”

Getting a new puppy, with her razor sharp teeth, triggered some fear. But it was going to the park with strange dogs running towards her that triggered post-traumatic stress.

But what made Niki really uncomfortable was having to ask strangers to change their behaviour to accommodate her needs.

“It is a really challenging thing to do because it’s going against what you normally believe about how you should behave or how you should act or things you should say. Because it’s about thinking about yourself. I needed to do this for me.”

Niki had to find the right way to tell her story as some people responded aggressively to her request.

“People just take it for granted that it’s OK to have their dogs off leads and one of the reasons that it is not is because accidents happen, and dogs do bite. And just because you’re comfortable and you know your dog, that’s great, and that’s fine in a leash free zone. But when it’s a park area with kids playing, and you let your dog run through, that’s really unfair to other people.”

Niki went on to talk about her reflections about her comfort zone as a result of having to ask others to please leash their dogs. “And I think the comfort zone thing is about understanding. The radius of comfort around you when you’re comfortable is quite big, but when there’s trauma or pain it is very tight. It took almost everything I had within me to articulate: I can’t cope, this is hurting. This is feeling really traumatic and then it made me think how many other times have I adjusted my radius or my comfort zone just to accommodate other people?”

The reason Niki was able to push through this time was because her daughter was also distressed by the situation, “because this meant so much to my daughter, I thought what a perfect thing to kick start for me that I need to start realizing I shouldn’t be adjusting my radius. I just need to find the right language to say this is at the end of my radius of comfort.”

I am personally really pleased to say that 9 out of 10 people responded well to Niki’s request to leash their dogs. Though I do wish it was 10!

One lesson Niki took from this experience is that it is ok to put yourself first! This was a huge lesson for her and has carried into all aspects of her life. “I was able to bring it into a work context. Someone made me feel uncomfortable in a work meeting and I was able to call it out. ‘I don’t know if you realize your passion is spilling across as aggression, so can you just clarify for me because it hit my radius [of comfort]?’”. The response she received was thanks – the person involved had not intended their passion to come across that way.

Niki has a special message to finish with today – she asked me to let all the other people who have shared their stories via this blog know that they touch people’s lives. It was reading all the stories that empowered Niki to speak up. And motivated her to share this story with you.

Thank you Niki!

My fight with lava

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Words by Karen Tisdell – my guest blogger today
Photo by Vadim Sadovski on Unsplash

Tell me about your LinkedIn journey from the start to where you are now.

I was an early adopter of LinkedIn, using it as a recruiter. In 2009, I went on maternity leave. I was considered an ‘old’ mum at 35 but was desperate for children. My husband and I didn’t have a plan for when I’d go back to work, and it was a shock to him when, after just a few months, I was ready.

My husband’s mother is house-proud. She keeps her home spotless – it was what he grew up with. My husband was disappointed that polishing his shoes and vacuuming wasn’t what I lived for and even more appalled at the thought of putting our tiny baby (a delicate little thing that struggled with weight gain) into care.

My frustration grew until one day, I told the truth. I shared my struggles with a friend, confessing that I wasn’t satisfied with staying home. Her suggestion was to combine my aptitude for writing with my knowledge of LinkedIn. I’ve been a champion of the platform since the old days, seeing it as a place where you could pull clients to you and build mutually beneficially relationships.

I took her advice and set about getting clients.

Of course, like every good story, it wasn’t easy. My husband was reluctant. It would be unfair to call him unsupportive – he once spent a whole weekend building me a website. I didn’t have any say in the design and refused to use it. I wanted to pay for a professional site, but he wouldn’t hear it.

Our family was going through it, too. My husband travelled a lot and wasn’t able to be the most hands-on father and I didn’t make that any easier for him by wanting everything my way. I became pregnant three more times, miscarrying at 11 weeks and losing another baby at six months. It was a very difficult time.

The challenges didn’t take me away from my side business. They drew me in deeper. I had something that was all mine, and that kept me strong.

Now in hindsight, I can see that not having financial backing was a positive thing. I invested hours and hours on LinkedIn, learning, building relationships with people that could refer clients to me, and anything else that didn’t cost a cent. You know, that’s what I really love about LinkedIn. It’s equitable – an even playing field. People like me have the same space as Richard Branson. There’s so much power in that. I’m proof of it.

Fast-forward to today, and I am now one of the few people who write LinkedIn profiles in Australia – even the world. The others are marketing people that dabble in LinkedIn or career coaches that think a profile is like a resume – which it absolutely isn’t!

I’ve earned an excellent reputation as a LinkedIn profile writer. It’s my specialty. I am also a sought-after LinkedIn trainer and speaker. I’m not turning over millions, but I’m doing well. I’ve held on to my family (my husband and I are happier than ever) and grown my business.

When did you realise your business had the potential to go full time?

I love being a mum, and I didn’t want a rigid nine-to-five. My work had to fit around my children – not the other way around. My business has never been full- or part-time, rather anytime and all the time!

Early on, I planned around those 20 minutes my daughters were napping. I’d work with razor-sharp focus, turning the whole world off. It’s a skill I’m grateful for today.

When my kids were toddlers, I’d take them to play cafes, the ones with ball pits and playgrounds. They’d wear themselves out, and I’d be pounding away on the keyboard. I’d even meet clients there, something that was perhaps a little weird for them. You can hardly hear yourself think in those places, but I learnt to tune it all out – except for the sound of my children crying.

I even gave up watching TV. I wanted to go to bed at the same time as my children so I could wake up at 4.30 am and work. You’ve got to give up some things – I touch on that more HERE. This was hard on my husband. He likes staying up late and sleeping in. We barely saw each other for years. Our lives have changed a lot since COVID, and while it has been so devastating for so many, I’ve loved having my husband home during the day.

My mother-in-law would also come and stay for about one week out of the year. I plan around this, cram my diary full, and meet as many clients as possible. I didn’t send my kids to daycare for years. It really taught me the value of time.

My hours have grown alongside my daughters’ independence, although I draw the line at meeting clients outside of school hours. I’ve done the math, and I clock about 45.5 hours per week: an hour in the morning while the girls are asleep, six while they are at school, an hour in the evening while supervising homework or in the car while they are at music lessons, and on the weekend, two hours while they are at golf, one while at swimming, one and a half while at tennis, and one precious hour before the house wakes up on Sunday.

It may sound like a busy schedule and I have a lot of time for friends. But I love what I do almost to a fault. And to contextualise, I don’t write profiles every hour of my working week. I’m also responding to questions, crafting content, sending invitations to connect, being a guest on podcasts, or writing for others’ publications. It’s all good stuff – except accounts.

There’s not a bone in my body passionate about the accounts. Money isn’t my main focus, though I am proud to bring in what I do. I’m motivated more by a compulsion to give, to help others, even those that can’t afford my services. It’s almost addictive, and maybe that’s not healthy. But aside from gardening with a podcast or camping beachside with my family (UNO, boogie boarding, long walks, campfires, marshmallows, and burnt sausages – bliss), there are few things I’d rather do.

What mistakes did you make in the early days of your entrepreneurial journey?

When I had a bit of money to spend, I spent it all wrong. I should have invested in a website, but instead, I paid for prettily designed brochures, with comp slips and branded Christmas cards. I wanted to be a high-touch business, so I went all out: expensive paper, raised fonts, the whole wedding invitation shebang. Now I know better. Paper is antiquated. How ridiculous for me to think I needed it. It was only recently I tossed them into the recycling bin.

Another big mistake: trying to be all things to all people. I’m a recovering people pleaser, and I did whatever I could to make my clients happy. I often suffered scope-creep as I gave away far more time than I got paid for.

Pricing was another big one. I researched what part-timers in the suburbs earned and tried to pay myself that amount. Tried. In truth, I was grateful for any money at all. $15/hour. For the first eight years or so, I was blinded by my genuine LOVE for writing profiles. Even as a kid, I wanted to write peoples’ life stories – not as a biographer but an autobiographer. I wanted to be them, live through them. I love the dramatic arts but am a terrible over-actor. Profiles allow me to step into people’s worlds, if only for a few hours.

Anyway, the short of it is, getting paid felt wrong. My husband showed me the value of my work and my time. He was resentful of my business. He thought I was spending too much time on something that contributed so little financially to our family. I finally listened to him, and it saved both my business and my marriage.

What are the key components to your success?

Number one: I am extremely resilient. Tenacious. I don’t give up.

I’m also serious about my habits and routines. Time is precious to me and I’m careful how I spend each and every hour.

Finally, I am willing to listen to others. I’ve learnt so much from my clients, who have shared business advice with me over the years. I do wish I’d listened to my husband earlier. It took too long for me to understand his perspective. I’m glad I didn’t lose him because of my myopic vision and love of what I do.

What are three top tips that you would share with someone starting out on their own entrepreneurial journey?

One: develop great habits. Work practices can reduce decision fatigue, making your life easier. Be sure to regularly assess if your routines are effective.

Two: be grateful – but not too grateful. I think what stopped me from valuing my time (and charging accordingly) was an excess of gratitude. I was so thankful to every client, for every dollar. Gratitude is, of course, essential – I believe it can save you from depression. But it can also mean you put up with things you maybe oughtn’t to.

Three: invest in a business coach and the app Blinkist, which allows you to listen or read a full book in 20 minutes. If you can, a business coach is ideal. I didn’t have one – I self-educated. But I did write profiles for many successful business owners and coaches, so I asked (and continue to ask) them about things I was struggling with, as I did with you Fiona. Sometimes you don’t know what to ask, and that’s why a business coach can be invaluable.

About Karen:

Struggling to capture your vast experience, skills and stories in your LinkedIn profile? It is hard to write about yourself, isn’t it? Call me on 📱 0404 083 678 and I can take away the pain, save you time, and guarantee your professional success with a done-for-you LinkedIn profile writing service that includes coaching on using LinkedIn.

I became a LinkedIn profile writer because I am fascinated with people’s stories. Always have been. In my former career as a recruiter I used to weave stories into resumes to ensure candidates were selected for interview. Foreseeing that being memorable online would become increasingly important, in 2009 I left recruitment to launch my own business. I have since helped countless senior leaders and business owners achieve their goals.

The results have been spectacular. I’ve witnessed my clients secure new roles because of their profile (in one instance with a 35% pay increase), attract new business, secure investors, and improve how their peers see them. All because of how they are perceived here…

Mindfulness saved my life!

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Image by me (Fiona)
Words by me based on an interview with Kathy

Kathy shared with me the story of how mindfulness saved her life. And not just the living breathing part, but her job, home and relationships too.

In 2000 Kathy had a perfect life – dream job, great partner, perfect house in a perfect location, a thriving daughter.

After a fun Melbourne Cup Day with friends, Kathy woke up with a swollen arm.

“I woke up and my whole arm was swollen. And I thought crap, I’ve been bitten or something. It was a really strange, thumping funny pain. It was really swollen and my hand was turning from red to black to blue to black to red to blue. And then it was going white. So, I went into the GP thinking I can get this looked at and I’ll go to work afterwards. I’ll just be a little bit late.

“He’s taken one look at it and said I’m gonna run some tests. Let’s go up to get an ultrasound done. And I went up to go up the ultrasound done. And from next to my heart and on down my arm was a blood clot. I was told we’ve got a call an ambulance and you’re not allowed to move on your own volition from now until we get you on something because it was right next to my heart and it was bad.”

Despite a number of treatments to try and remove the clot – none of which were pleasant – the worst happened and the clot moved and stopped Kathy’s heart. She was revived and had a venaplasty to remove the clot. 14 days later, still in hospital, it came back! And once again entered her heart, this time not stopping it completely but putting Kathy into fibrillation and giving her a mini stroke.

Kathy was in and out of hospital for 3 months before the doctors gave up on keeping the clot from returning. They gave her 10 years.

Life did not go back to normal. Kathy was angry! She did not have sensation in her arm, she had ongoing injections. She was fit, never smoked or drank. This was not meant to happen to her.

As a result of the anger Kathy lost her partner. She battled constantly with her daughter. She was angry at work for no reason. And in an unrelated event lost her house.

“So finally, my boss of the woman that I owe virtually everything I am today to a lovely lady by the name of Christine. My manager took me aside and said ‘Kathy, you are one of the most amazing assets our team has. But with this attitude, you either have to fix it or you’re out. No one wants to work with you. We’re sick of it. And if you don’t want to change, if you can’t, whatever, then there’s the door. Think about it.’ And she sent me home. This talk happened around lunchtime, and she sent me home for the day. She said leave now we don’t want you here”

On her way home Kathy went past a milk bar with a sign in the window asking ‘Are you stressed? Would you like more happiness in your life?’ and it caught her attention. Yes, she would like more happiness! What was being offered was 3 one-hour sessions on mindfulness. And Kathy went along!

Kathy was not immediately convinced “When I went to the first mindfulness sessions, I thought it was going to be all hippy stuff and I wasn’t sure whether I should go.”

“In that first session, I learnt that all that anger was not from external, it was internal. It was my own attitude that was perpetuating it.”

And even once she was on board, Kathy struggled to tame her mind and control her anger. It took hard work, dedicated practice and time before “I began to be more calm and accepting so I could connect with people and re-build my life and relationships.”

“And the rest is history as the world says.

“The mindfulness practice that I learned I think saved my job. I was able to reconnect with my partner, I found a new house that was equally good. And my daughter and I became close. But I think that that mindfulness practice helped me rebuild everything that I had destroyed through this anger and frustration after my illness. And it’s helped me cope with that illness. And the last part of my story is they gave me 10 years to live. And I firmly believe that my mindfulness practice in the way that I’ve been able to heal my mind has helped me heal my body. Because I was meant to die 10 years ago.”

Kathy’s doctors are fascinated to know what she did to heal herself.

But her message? “Don’t believe all the hype about mindfulness, don’t believe all the research about mindfulness, don’t go on into all of the studies that have been peer reviewed, don’t care about any of that stuff. You hear mindfulness too much these days. Try it for yourself and see if there’s benefits for yourself. And doesn’t matter what anybody else says. If it works, and you find benefit, keep it. If it doesn’t, dump it, just like what we do in agile teams. We do a retro, right. It’s almost the same thing. Try few things. Keep it if it works, dump it if it dies, and mindfulness despite what’s been said and all the myths and all the rumours, give it a go. And of course get in touch with me if you want to learn more.”

About Kathy:

With a background in software development, Kathy is an agile professional with over 30 years of experience in I.T. She delivers agile training and coaching services to many organisations in Australia and around the world including large corporations and government departments. Since 1999, Kathy has been studying, practicing and teaching mindfulness. Kathy works with organisations to implement mindfulness practices to improve teamwork, be more innovative and deliver better customer value. She is passionate about seeing people, teams and organisations succeed and thrive in an environment of collaboration and harmony.

Coaching in the Wild #3

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My latest coaching vlog – my latest learnings and updates about my side hustle and journey.


I should also mention that the profile mentioned was my LinkedIn profile – as this was my 11th take (some were only 2 seconds long before I messed up) I decided to clarify here rather than do a 12th take.

Given I once posted the video where my cat knocked over the camera you might wonder what ‘messing up entails’. It is when I go off on a tangent, or say something that feels wrong, completely lose my train of thought mid sentence etc.