Category: Leaving Home

Turning up is 90% of the game

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Words by me (Fiona) based on an interview with Monica
Image by me

What if you had spent so much of your life outside your comfort zone that your challenge was in settling back into being comfortable?

Meet Monica!

Up until the age of 13 Monica had an idyllic life. One of 8 children with two great parents she was perfectly happy. And then her father passed away suddenly. On the surface life didn’t change, other than missing her dad.

Monica found herself becoming the ‘clever, naughty kid’ after that. “I adopted this persona of always being outside the comfort zone, always being rebellious.”

Monica balanced jobs and school from ages 14 to 17, and then decided to take a gap year as she had no idea what direction to take next. Career advice was varied and not useful!

After finding herself working 5 jobs in Cairns, a push from her mum had her moving back to the city and getting a job at a trading house – the start of something wonderful for Monica!

“And it was just the dynamism of this really complicated global working environment a whole new language to learn – bills of lading, 90cl, futures, phytosanitary certificates, regulations and steamship owners that were German. Russian and Pacific Islanders. It was an interesting process, and I went to work as a shipping clerk.”

Monica describes one of her key attributes as curiosity, which combined with an ability to make friends and retain information had her soon selected to be part of an international fast track program!

“That just then opened up a whole world! This month, you’re going to go to Singapore, and you’re going to learn about our insurance business. Next month, you’re going to go to Hamburg and you’re going to have learn how we manage our asset fleet of breakbulk ships, or every variety of ships and how many ports we own around the world. You are going to learn the economics of the cattle/beef industry, from paddock to burger. As a 22-year-old kid I just soaked all this up.”

Monica’s career went from strength to strength, a combination of confidence and talent seeing her succeed in whatever she set her mind to. She moved from Brisbane to Perth to Sydney and then to New York as part of her career progression.

For 8 years in US she thrived then as she turned 30 she reflected on her next step and incidentally started to meet women 10 years older and whilst “successful” in their careers and earnings they were unhappy. That was the first trigger in her decision to come home to Australia, but there was more “I think something sat with me from meeting those all the women and I got a glimpse of my future self.

“I actually got sick because I’ve flown a lot and I picked up a virus, I think on a trip back from South America. And I remember I flew into Miami and was feeling just not quite well. I went to whoever the doctor was according to our health plan, and before I knew it, they put me into the ICU because what I’d actually picked up was a viral infection in my heart muscle.”

It was not long after that Monica moved home to Brisbane and moved in with her mum, who sadly passed away 4 months later.

Monica struggled to get a job in Brisbane – a recruiter suggested her experience and her New York accent may have been intimidating to the branch offices in that smaller city – but instead of moving to a bigger city Monica embarked on an MBA – and 2 years later topped the Dean’s list. Another year on she married a pilot and move to Dubai where she embarked on another 9-year adventure in Arabic foreign wealth funds.

Her marriage lasted a decade and she moved back to her beloved Brisbane in 2012.  “The divorce gave me cause to reflect.”

Monica shared with me at this stage that if it is work related, she has no issue solving problems, but struggled more with being uncomfortable / vulnerable on a personal level.

“One of my brothers suffers with bipolar. In the last five years, I took my brother in and he came to live with me. And I started to get a real appreciation of mental illness as an illness not as something that people should just get over.

“I got the understanding of just how cruel and hurtful people going through both ends of that cycle are. I felt useless. I just felt like it was something I couldn’t fix. And that really, for a long while, it really affected me. And it took me a while to develop a mindset about removing all my unconscious bias that it was about my brother. It’s not just get out of bed and do something. That’s my method. That’s not healing. 

“It took me a long while but I’ve reframed my whole mindset around, this is an illness. And if he had cancer, I would be there in a heartbeat with whatever it needed done. And so I just had to accept it was something out of my control, and I had to manage it. Like I would manage the volatility of the marketplace, and say, whatever version of my brother turns up today, I’ll be okay. I think that was helpful. And that’s helped me a lot more in this last phase of my career. Because I think now, I’m much more of a humanist.”

And Monica’s advice to others about stepping out of their comfort zone?

“It’s hard, but you can’t let it disable you. I would implore them to go to a time where the first experience has been discomfort, like when they learn to drive, the first time you ever get behind the wheel of a car, you think you’re never going to be able to do this. The first time you go out for a run, you think I’ll never be able to run more than 20 minutes. The first time you touch a computer, are you ever going to be able to type? I think there’s lots of examples in our lives where we’ve had discomfort, but we just work our way through it. And for me, I think turning up is 90% of the game. So turn up”

Great advice Monica!

Support is everything

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Akansha came from a “bubble of not knowing how to do things on my own” to move to Australia to complete her Masters!

Akansha had never stayed anywhere without her immediate family prior to making this momentous decision.

“In my mind for first couple of weeks it kept feeling as if I was on a on a sleepover with the people [new roommates] and it felt like I was on a long holiday.

“And after a while, once uni started, that’s when it just all came out at once like ‘oh my god, I miss everyone.’”

Everything was new – from grocery shopping to living with strangers. That was mixed with studying and having to earn money to live on. The smallest thing was an adjustment – learning that ‘ta’ meant thank you not good bye for example!  The stress was overwhelming, and for the first time since she was born Akansha found herself in hospital. This added to her financial stress. To top it all off, she is working on getting her permanent residency to be able to stay in Australia. The process is very expensive and lot of jobs demand PR which is career limiting.

So, with all the above – plus regular racism – why would Akansha persevere?

“First of all, I had taken this decision that I wanted to experience what it is living outside of home and in a new country altogether. That kept me going.

“There’s always light at the tunnel and this is what my mum told me. My parents have been biggest support for me.”

Akansha’s parents continuously reminded her of her achievements – passing exams despite being hospitalised, getting her internship at Telstra – and also that she just had to keep at it.

Her sister also moved to Australia which helps a lot!

When I asked Akansha if there were benefits from stepping out of her comfort zone her whole face lit up with joy and pride! “I have grown in last three years so much that I did not in last 20 years of being India. I have learned finances, time management skills, and life experiences. I feel mature.

“From the time I stepped in Australia to the time right now I have grown mentally. And it doesn’t mean that there are not many challenges that keep me thinking and trying to get better. My attitude has changed. The way I look at things or the problems. I’m not saying it’s perfect all the time. Absolutely not. But definitely when I compare myself to what I was like in 2017 to what I am like in 2020… I guess I feel like I’m not a child. “

The advice Akansha has for people considering stepping out of their comfort zone is to just go for it. If you over think it you will see all the issues, if you focus on your end goal you will resolve those hurdles as you go “I have to paint that thing. And if you don’t have brushes, that’s the problem. And then you keep thinking ‘I don’t have brushes, I don’t have brushes.’ But if you if you think ‘yes, I will paint’ then you will go and buy brushes!”

Akansha’s last words were to create a support group and then include them in your celebrations! “I celebrate every year, so in February I was celebrating 3 years in Australia, and I had a celebratory dinner”

Thank you Akansha for sharing your story!

Being You

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Photo by Brandon Hoogenboom on Unsplash
Words by Fiona based on an interview with Julie

“More concerned about the success of others than their own personal gain” are the words that caught Julie’s attention in the job ad, and I am not surprised as that describes her accurately! 

The fact that Julie was living in San Francisco and the ad was posted by a friend in London about a job in Sydney, it was all too far fetched? However, the idea of getting the job had Julie dreaming about Sydney summers. Quickly followed by ‘who do I think I am? I can’t do this. I’ve never been a tech founder. I’ve worked in start-ups, but you’re crazy.’ 

Serendipitously, Julie then read an HBR article about men applying for jobs when they only have 2 of the 10 criteria, so she decided to at least have the conversation. And ignore the imposter syndrome rearing it’s ugly head. 

Julie has a name for her ‘imposter voice’. I think we all have that voice that says we are not good enough? Julie has named hers Beatrice. Well, Julie quietened Beatrice by taking things one step at a time. ‘You know what, I’m still going to have this conversation. I’m going to talk to Annie. I wasn’t really looking to move or take this job and I was just having the conversation. So, I just kept saying yes, and here I am. 

‘Annie flew me down here [Sydney] when I had my interview. She turned on all the works. It was January so the sun was out. We walked from downtown to Rose Bay and I went stand up paddle boarding in the bay with the Harbour Bridge behind me crystal blue water. She flew me up to Brisbane and I met with Steve Baxter aka Shark of Shark Tank, I had no idea who he was.  

I just decided to show up as myself. We were talking about investing in start-ups and I said “there’s market-based solutions for social impact. We can we can do good and make money at the same time.” And again I did not know Steve Baxter at that point. And I couldn’t understand why everyone was on the edge of their seats hanging on my every word! Steve said “No, no, no, we make our money first, then we give it away”. Which was fine. I’m glad that I showed up in what I believe but also knew not to have continuing argument with him. Steve and I are good friends now.’ 

This was not the first (or last) time Julie stepped out of her comfort zone! Julie helped set up the Salesforce Foundation after meeting Marc Benioff and making such an impression with her advice about his plans that he offered her the role! She moved from Atlanta, where she had been a student, teacher and technology specialist over the span of 12 years, to San Francisco based on the regrets she would have if she didn’t. ‘There is nothing I have to lose’. 

Julie has found that being around the right type of people and energy is really important to her resilience but learning to not try and control things and focusing on seeing the glass as half full help her to bounce back when she finds herself ‘curling up’. 

I asked Julie what drives her to step out of her comfort zone, and her answer was as beautifully original as she is ‘Knowing that there’s support and trying new things. Creating new synapses. Being able to be creative and try that try new things. Being unique. Trying to be the only one doing it so I’m not compared to anyone else. So you don’t have to have that judging. And not being afraid to ask…..’ 

‘When I was in school I was a technology specialist in the middle school. I was the only tech specialist in that school amongst all the teachers. You couldn’t really compare me to anyone else. That’s maybe a safety mechanism. I’m protecting myself. There’s no other bar. I have to set the bar.’ 

I think that is fabulous motivation for trying something new! 

Julie finished off with her passion about celebrating failure. 

‘I’ve become more comfortable [with failure] and when I do talks I get people to be more comfortable with the little tiny mistakes and being okay not to be judged. Think about your body when you make a mistake and what happens – you physically curl up and you change your whole body. Think about times when you won a race or completed something – your body goes big. 

‘It’s a totally different feeling and you can move on and continue. So, next time when you make a mistake how crazy and odd would it be to trick your body into celebrating and throw your arms wide open? It is counterintuitive, but if you physically celebrate your failures you feel differently about them and are more able to go on.’ 

Thank you so much Julie for sharing your story and viewpoint. 

Bouldering!

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I got to the top of the wall to my right on my last attempt!

I have a friend who recently described me as her ‘partner in crime’. And I can’t disagree. She is mainly the ideas person, I am almost always happy to give things a try. In some cases, such as our upcoming trip to Queenstown, NZ, we exchange adventures. In the Queenstown example I have agreed to go river surfing with her, and she will come on a bungee swing with me.

Bouldering was Cilla’s idea. Her sons had taken her and she thought I would like it. We put some of her sons chalk into a freezer bag and went along. Waivers were signed, shoes were hired and we went upstairs to the ‘bouldering’ section.

For those (like me 3 weeks ago) who are not familiar with bouldering you climb indoor walls like the image above, they are around 5 metres high, with no harness but large soft cushions below. The walls are covered in different climbs arranged by colour and numbered (mostly) as per difficulty. Difficulty ranges from 1 – 10 and most walls lean inwards with some having overhangs to get around. The idea is that you stick to a colour for that particular climb, though for beginners it is fine to mix and match.

On my first attempt I was very timid. I climbed a lot but didn’t go very high. And discovered two things: bouldering is fabulous fun, and bouldering is an amazing workout that sneaks up on you while you are having fun and challenging yourself! I could not lift my arms without great effort for a few days afterwards!

I never considered myself scared of heights, but apparently when I am the thing keeping me clinging to a wall that changes. Being even a few metres up I can freeze if I think too hard about where I am. As my arms get stronger, my confidence is growing. I think my confidence is what is stopping me more than my skill, but they will grow together.

I have now been 4 times, another friend has joined us (and her daughter wants to come too). I even went on my own. I can now get to the very top of the wall on a level 1, my goal for tomorrow night is to do that on multiple climbs.

I have a second goal too: after watching my niece and nephew on the automatic ropes I want to try that! So Tuesday will see me putting on a harness and climbing much higher for the joy of ‘floating’ back down afterwards. I will let you know how that feels 🙂

Closing Your Eyes and Jumping

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Photo by Jordan Donaldson | @jordi.d on Unsplash
Words by me (Fiona Whitehead) based on a story shared by Lisa

I do love it when someone shares more than one story with me!  Welcome back Lisa. 

Lisa told me about moving from home (and familiarity) to Australia (a country she had never even visited!). 

“Nearly 7 years ago, we packed up our family and moved to a country we had never even visited – Australia!  I had travelled many times overseas but never here – my husband and daughters had never even travelled internationally before.” 

And why would Lisa and her family take such a huge leap?  “We knew that living in our country of birth was becoming untenable and that we had to seek an opportunity to give our daughters a better life.  We knew that it would take every last cent that we had to re-establish ourselves in a new country and it was like starting all over again.” 

It wasn’t all smooth sailing with the initial plan falling through “After a great deal of investigation and work, we managed to travel here on a 457 visa through my husband being sponsored to work here.   We were originally going to Perth, and after that offer fell through, we made a last attempt to leave.  I always say that Melbourne chose us – we didn’t choose it.  When the offer came through we grabbed it.  We closed our eyes and jumped!” 

It was a tough decision for many reasons, “We were leaving behind many family members, long standing and deep friendships, very well-established and successful careers and uprooting our daughter in the middle of a school year and fairly close to the completion of her schooling journey.  We didn’t know whether financially we would make it as the exchange rate was 10/1, so we could just see our savings disappearing so quickly.” 

Even once in Melbourne there were doubts, but one special conversation laid those fears to rest: “I questioned very deeply what we had done – I missed my home, my family and friends.  The verification that we had done the right thing was when one day, on an adventure out, my daughter and I were walking through the beautiful botanical gardens.  She said to me “You know what’s so nice, Mum?”  I asked her what – she replied “That we can just walk together like this and enjoy the beauty instead of worrying about whether someone is going to jump out from behind the bush and attack us.”  It shocked me to the core – that any child would have to grow up with thoughts like that…..and in that same moment, I felt a great sense of peace knowing that we had made the right decision.” 

Would Lisa step out of her comfort zone again?  “Yes – it’s an adventure after all.  New places to see, new people to meet – I do love Melbourne and the life we’ve created here.  I think if there was a great opportunity for us to experience something different, yes I would.  The caveat to that is that I would always want to return home……to Melbourne.  And we have been extremely blessed that our new country has embraced us and allowed us to become citizens.  As a very dear friend said to me “Roots in Africa….thriving in Australia” – you can truly thrive anywhere you plant yourself if you have a positive attitude. 

“You learn about yourself – the good the bad and the ugly!  You realise that the baggage you have you take with you…..you can’t just leave it behind and pretend that it never happened….it’s part of you and you have the power to re-invent yourself over and over again.  You meet new wonderful people and create awesome memories.  You also may need to give yourself the time and the space to mourn what you’ve left behind, be grateful that you’ve experienced what you have and be positive about what new things you’re learning.” 

Thank you Lisa! 

About Lisa: 

Started as a leadership business partner on the transformation journey and ended up running the entire program.
Have worked in manufacturing, financial, consulting and telco industries for the past 25 years.
Seeing people learn and grow through their journey is absolute fuel for me.
I have been privileged to work with leaders from all walks of life and continue to be surprised and delighted 

That is where the gold is!

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Picture and words by me (Fiona Whitehead) based on an interview with Nolle

When Nolle was 19 when she moved to London, and at 23 she moved from Dublin, Ireland to Melbourne, Australia. 

She emigrated permanently with no family in Australia. 

Yep, that is sure to be well outside of a comfort zone! 

Why would she do that? “Because back then in Dublin there was very high unemployment. And it was hard to get work. There were no real opportunities and I just wanted more from life.” 

And once Nolle arrived?  “Well I was very, very homesick. I had really bad migraines. I used to cry every night with a picture of my family under my pillow. And I didn’t have any family here. I think I had a couple hundred dollars, a suitcase, and a boyfriend (he didn’t last long after I got here).” 

“And I remember thinking, what have I done. When I was in London, and I applied for a visa, I applied for a one year working holiday visa, and they sent me permanent residency. I thought they sent me the wrong papers. but I might as well apply because I can come home after a year anyway. And the year went by like that! I came home from my first visit, and I realized the grass was so much greener in Australia, so many opportunities.  

“It was great to see my family again. But I had planted the seed to definitely come back [to Australia] and I came back, and the rest is history.” 

Nolle’s next check in point was when she had children – she always planned to take them back to Ireland so she and they had family support. But once she had her children, she decided that even though things in Ireland had improved, the life she could offer them in Australia was a better one. 

“They [Nolle’s children] have a great life here. They don’t realize how lucky they are and then I feel lucky, because I know what it’s like not to have much. I couldn’t think of any more of a stretch than going from having no children to children.  Apart from apart from having my kid,s emigrating to Australia is the best thing that ever happened to me.” 

On Nolle’s first visit back to Ireland she spoke to her Mum “I said to my Mam, ‘you know, everybody, seems different’. She said ‘no, you’re the only one that’s different. They’re all the same. They’re doing the same thing day in, day out but your world is a much bigger place now, you have experienced so much more.  This made it hard for Nolle to fit back in. She also loves the much healthier and more outdoorsy lifestyle here in Australia. 

 And would Nolle step out of her comfort zone again? “Absolutely!  Because that is where the gold is. 

‘’So, when we look back at anything that’s happened to you in your life, that stretch is where you get the most reward. And even though you might have to go through difficult times to get there, that was all part of your journey. Part of your learning and you have to push yourself. You have to take that leap of faith, you have to take that risk, you have to take that stretch. 

“And this is what I tell my children. Don’t take the easy road because it seems like you might get there faster, it all about the journey” 

“Because your automatic reaction as a human being I believe is, is not to go outside your comfort zone it’s to protect yourself. Safety, mitigate against any risk. But then to actually to put yourself out there. That’s where the gold is.” 

And as always, the last word goes to my interviewee. 

“Just do it. Because ask yourself what’s the worst thing that can happen, and if you can live through the worst thing that can happen, then just do it. Why would you not? Life just goes too fast, way too fast. No regrets. I’ll use my grandmother’s saying, it’s ‘What’s for you won’t will pass you by’. 

“’What’s for you won’t pass you by’ really means that you take that leap of faith, you stretch yourself outside your comfort zone, and if it’s meant to be for you it’ll be for you and if it’s not at least you’ve had a go.  

Thanks again Nolle. 

A bit about Nolle:  
Currently working as a Business Partner Principal in the Transformation Delivery Office at Telstra. 
Background:  
Having worked in IT & Business roles spanning over 2 decades in Australia in various different sectors including Health, Media, Technology & Telecommunications  
Working primarily in the project and program space, moving into leadership and management roles and over the last few years into partnership and engagement roles  
Moving to Australia at 23, married with 5 children (blended family) loving life and all that it brings 

That is where the magic happens

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Words and photo by Fiona Whitehead
Words based on an interview with Victoria

Victoria steps out of her comfort zone a lot. Ranging from big things to small things. We chatted about some of her experiences. 

Seven and a half years ago she moved from the UK to Australia with her husband and their baby. “I guess it was a huge risk because we both had good jobs [and] we owned two homes in the UK, so we could quite easily have just stayed where we were. But we weren’t 100% happy with life and the lifestyle that we had.” 

Their attitude was “Just give it a go. Just try it. What’s the worst that can happen? You move back to the UK and it was hard.” 

Victoria is not a thrill seeker, or an adrenaline junkie, but she feels it is important to step out of her comfort zone in order to learn and grow. 

She also spoke to me about moving out of a role and company she loved, a place where she was very comfortable. “Then Kloud came along and talked about [all this] new technology … and the culture just sounded amazing. 

‘’I thought ‘well I’ve been doing my nice job for a while I could stay doing my nice job or I can take a risk and go through that whole setting yourself up again in a new company’ … I thought about it for maybe half a day and then I’m like ‘Yeah let’s do it, jump in.’” 

“Why did I jump in? Part of me was thinking about the future and future proofing. Technology is changing. And if you don’t change you get left behind. Yeah, I don’t want to do that. 

“Part of it was about changing. And part of it was about getting to try a new culture. Kloud, although being part of Telstra, it still has its own little micro culture, which is still very much like a start-up or a small new company. So, the to get the opportunity to be a part of that culture as well was enticing for me. Being able to use the experience that I gained elsewhere and bring that to Kloud … then develop it in a slightly different way, that was probably the reason why I did it. I just am a firm believer that we have to grow, we have to develop … otherwise you’re not growing you’re dying.” 

Victoria gets through her ‘out of the comfort zone’ feelings (which include feeling sick to the stomach!) with lots of self-coaching. “There’s a lot of reminding yourself what is the outcome that you want to achieve? Why am I doing this? What do I want to learn? Who do I want to meet [at monthly meetings which include networking]? You know that every time I do it, I do it for a reason. I don’t do it just for the thrill because I don’t look for the thrill. But I’ll do it to learn something.” 

Victoria doesn’t forget what she left behind when she stepped out of her comfort zone either “What I’ve also done is I’ve made a conscious effort to still stay in touch with people I used to work with, so I haven’t lost them. I think it’s good to not be too gung ho all the time, but also look back and appreciate the things that have taken you along the way, [things] that you’ve done along the way. Don’t take them for granted and just sort of stay in touch with people and stuff like that.” 

And Victoria’s last words? 

“Everything I do I do with an intent. I started a new business with the intention of building a better future for my family. I moved a country with the intention of making a better life for me and my family and move jobs with a view to improve my employment, and prospective future and to challenge myself … have a reason why you’re doing it and have faith in your ability to do it. 

“Always push yourself outside your comfort zone every day, because each time you do it’s like a muscle. Each time you put yourself outside your comfort zone, it gets a little easier and you grow a bit more and you learn a bit more. And you just develop as a human in all areas of your life. If you are scared, if you stay in the safe zone, nothing ever changes. 

Do it all the time, every day as much as you can get outside of your comfort zone. Because that is where the magic happens.” 

A bit about Victoria: 

Victoria is an experienced Service Delivery Manager with 20 years in the IT industry. Primarily, this experience is across the Financial Services industry however, Victoria has also supported clients within the Media, Oil and Legal sectors and understands the nuances between industries. 

From the land of the long white cloud

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Photo by Jacob Chen on Unsplash
Words by Fiona Whitehead based on an interview with Jen

I think moving from one country to another is one of the biggest steps out of your comfort zone. That is what Jen did about 6 years ago. 

After leaving New Zealand, Jen and her husband travelled for 3 months and ‘’then arrived in Melbourne with some savings, temporary accommodation sorted and no jobs. I’m a very organised person so not having a clear plan is not my usual MO and not having financial security was … a big risk. Yet I believed I was that I was employable and that I would get a job, then I’d have an income and we would be fine.’’ 

Their recon included a long weekend in Melbourne (is it wrong that I am proud my city can have someone willing to move here after a single weekend?) and lots of research.  Jen believed they would be better off in Melbourne: ‘’ Not sure why or how but blind faith gave me the kick in the pants to make like Nike and ‘just do it’!’’ 

I asked Jen how she had felt before, during and after the experience. 

‘’To begin with it was all really exciting, who doesn’t want to quit their job, sell all their stuff and go travelling?’’ Jen shared with me.  

‘’Once we arrived the reality set in. My husband got a job within two weeks, it took me a little longer. That was hard and bit disheartening. But I kept at it. I used my time to meet with recruiters, improve my interview skills, and to start to build my network. At one stage I was told ‘that was the best feedback I’ve ever had for an unsuccessful candidate’! The uncertainty made it feel Iike an eternity, but within a month I had a job, and within two months we leased an apartment.’’  

I get the feeling this next bit is probably a bit hard for a Kiwi to say, so I will leave it in Jen’s words: “It is hard to believe that all of that happened almost six years ago. After saying we would re-evaluate every three months, at some point we didn’t need to any more. The time has flown by and I wouldn’t change the initial feelings of uncertainty for anything. I made a great life choice. The next big life choice I’ve made is to put in an application for Permanent Residency – at some stage I’m going to have to admit that I call Australia home.’’ 

Jen would ‘’Absolutely’’ step out of her comfort zone again. ‘’I have since that move and I would again. I don’t want to live a life with ‘what ifs’ I’d rather try and succeed or learn from the experience than not risk it. I’ve had plenty of opportunities where I could have focused on what could go wrong, or what I’m not sure about, but I choose to focus on the positives. If the worst-case scenario is I’m told no, then it is still worth trying.’’ 

And for people considering taking a step out of their own comfort zone? ‘’ Someone once told me ‘if it’s not threatening your life, it’s not life threatening’. This is my touchstone for many aspects of my life. What your comfort zone is and what steeping outside of it means will be different for everyone. Take some time to see how far you want to step. That could be having a solo coffee in a café or applying for role you don’t think you have all the ‘required skills’ for. It could be finding your voice to speak up or wearing a brightly coloured shirt. I encourage you to take that first step, you never know where it will take you.” 

Thanks, Jen, for sharing your inspiring story with us. 

About Jen: 

Jenny Brownlee is a Kiwi living in the land of OZ. Almost six years later that one choice to move, has led to many more excellent life choices, and some highlights and hiccups along the way. Pragmatic and positive she describes herself as a storyteller. Everyone has a story to tell, but they can’t always find their voice, that’s where she comes in. 

A huge leap

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Photo by Sammie Vasquez on Unsplash

Words by Fiona Whitehead based on an interview with Subhashini

The very first response I received when asking people to share their stories for my blog was humbling to me. It was an intensely personal story, and my gratitude to Subhashini is enormous.

Before I start, please note the content warnings: Abuse, depression

Subhashini was only 15 when her story begins, and the planning began months earlier. Try to imagine being in such an abusive situation that, despite the stigma of living alone in India, despite society expecting you to live with your parents until marriage (and sometimes beyond), despite it being ‘’too scary”, you leave home alone at the age of 15. Keep in mind that even when it is awful, home is still what you know and your ‘’comfort zone’’.

Subhashini’s parents were abusive. In her words ‘’I faced a lot of physical as well as emotional abuse coupled with neglect. They always wanted a male child and were extremely disappointed to have me. … It led to quite an early onset of depression and PTSD. I was getting more and more suicidal with each passing day. That’s when I decided that I have to take my life into my own hands and do something for myself rather than waiting around to be accepted”.

Operating in absolute stealth, Subhashini planned her escape. The big move occurred very quickly and suddenly after a huge fight with her mother. Once her mother left for work Subhashini packed the items she had set aside to take with her and left the house. ‘’ It was the sheer force of my will which made me carry two big suitcases and 2 huge bags full of books all on my own … I reached the train station and took a train without knowing where I would be going. All the adrenaline dipped as soon as the train left the station. I realized I was shaking from head to toe. The anxiety was unreal! I decided to call one of my college friends who sneaked me into her old house and let me stay there till I found a job and another accommodation’’

Subhashini says that despite the months of planning ‘’I wasn’t really prepared and you can never be prepared for such things’’.

The story doesn’t end there, Subhashini found a job (despite being underage) and through sheer hard work managed to finish college. 8 years on she has a decent job, rents her own apartment and even has a pet. Therapists have helped her work through her issues.

Subhashini has gone from feeling desolate and out of control to feeling like she is able to breathe.

Would Subhashini recommend stepping out of your comfort zone?

”DEFINITELY! I would do it over as many times as possible because it has taught me so many valuable things in life. I am a better person overall. I look back and I see how much I’ve grown in these eight years, personally as well as professionally. I can articulate well, express myself better. I don’t run away from situations anymore, I face it and deal with all the emotions that come with it. I am confident and more positive and I feel optimistic. I don’t instantly get bogged down by complex situations. I am more rational and I can keep my head at all times. I don’t think any of it would have been possible had I not decided to step out of my comfort zone (Which was 15 yrs of abuse and I was actually comfortable in that space since it was something I was used to and had learnt to cope with in my own unhealthy ways). I think this is the base to all the greatness one can accomplish, a stepping stone towards achieving anything you want however small or big it may be!”

And the last words of this post are also from Subhashini ”Preparation is good but as I said, no amount of preparation is going to help you navigate through life the way you want. Sometimes it’s best to take that leap of faith and trust yourself to sail the stormy seas. It’s good to listen to people but not rely on people to make your decisions. It’s absolutely okay to go wrong or be wrong, we are all learning. Accept and move forward. Things are never as bad as they seem to be. Do not ever hesitate to ask people for help. It’s never a bad idea. Talk to people and you never know how someone might be able to help you. My faith in humanity has increased so much because of all the people that I’ve talked to, who turned out to be wonderful. 
Keep faith and just do it!”

About Subhashini:

I am a 23 yr old student of Law and Sociology. In my free time, I am a researcher working on Intersectional Feminism in India. My weekend projects includes volunteering for NGOs to provide gender sensitivity workshops to 8th grade children. Diversity and inclusion is what I strive for. As for hobbies, I am into DIY home décor and also paint whenever I am not occupied with other things.

Feel the fear and move to Canada!

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So many firsts in Canada – fresh snow being one of the most joyous!

Words by Fiona Whitehead

The first time I recall ‘feeling the fear and doing it anyway’ was moving from Australia to Canada at the age of 22.

To put this in context – I had always lived at home even when at University. I had only been overseas once – 2 weeks in Bali with my best friend when I was 18.

I was terrified once I committed to going. How was I going to manage so far from everyone and everything I knew?

So why was I going?

As a child I read a lot. Books by LM Montgomery (Anne of Green Gables, Emily of New Moon) were some of my favourites and were set on Prince Edward Island off the east coast of Canada. I desperately wanted to visit.

At university I studied Radiation Therapy and I discovered that there was a world-wide shortage of this skill.

The final piece of the puzzle was being advised near the end of our intern year at Peter Mac (a cancer specialist hospital and the only place to practice Radiation Therapy in Melbourne at the time) that not all 25 interns would be offered jobs the next year.

Given a job was not guaranteed I decided it was time to implement my ”Move to Canada” plan.

We didn’t have email or internet access at that time (yes, I am of that era) so I wrote old fashioned snail-mail letters to all 19 Radiation Therapy departments across Canada, with my resume attached, asking if they had work.

As luck or fate would have it, the head of the Radiation Therapy Department at NEORCC (North Eastern Ontario Regional Cancer Center) had been on a 2-year exchange to Melbourne earlier in her career and liked the quality of the graduates she had seen. A quick call by Jane to some of her contacts still working at Peter Mac and I was offered the job! Not only was there no interview other than a call from Jane espousing the benefits of working at NEORCC, the employment offer included my flight and first month’s accommodation!

After a short period to consider, and chat to fellow Australians who had worked there previously, I accepted!

(I found out later that Sudbury had an image problem, and could not recruit many locals to work there. I was part of the 19 international staff in a team of 25!)

There was a time when I could have backed out gracefully- Peter Mac decided I was ranked highly enough among my peers for them to offer me a job, but I stuck with my plan.

It took about 6 weeks to get a visa, and arrange and hold my best friend’s wedding (how awesome is she to set the date so I could be there??), and be on my way.

During that 6 weeks I was full of fear. My method to avoid giving in to my fear and cancelling my move was to tell as many people as possible that I was leaving in order to make changing my mind harder than going! I was excited as well as scared. A long lived dream was coming true!

As I landed in Toronto a local started talking to me (no chance earlier – I am a plane sleeper) and asked where I was headed. When I said Sudbury his advice was to turn around right then and go back to Melbourne. That didn’t make me even more nervous… much!

I am glad to say I didn’t take his advice. Very glad.

From being picked up at the airport by my new boss – with a couple of bags of groceries ‘to get me started’ – to learning to cross country ski. From kayaking across lakes and seeing bears and moose in the wild to meeting amazing people who are still my lifelong friends. From my first snowfall to discovering what ‘plug in your car’ means. From learning that Domino’s Pizza delivers even in -50C to building my first snowman. Every experience was amazing. I have zero regrets.

So, was my first experience of stepping out of my comfort zone a big one? Probably. Would I do it again? I did 😊. Many times. But that is the subject of other blogs.